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Suggestions by sammy

You really do have great points, but I really think that if you were to back them up with some facts (numbers, figures, charts etc) it would really be beneficial.
Also, you might want to elaborate on those points a little bit-perhaps give some more situations where your argument gains validity. Obviously, this will also help in making the paper lengthy;)!
But once again, great points...i would suggest that back them up with some facts and figures!
Best of Luck!

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