Suggestions by snasnuska18
Your first sentence would come out a lot clearer if you said “Throughout time there has been inequality between men and women.” You need to mention what title IX actually is in your first paragraph (you should always assume the reader has no idea what you are talking about) so that you can actually justify how it is a step in the right direction, and later justify how it has had a beneficial effect on high school and college athletics. Otherwise IX just appears out of no where and will confuse the reader. Good job defining what Title IX is in the second paragraph paragraph. Good point about scouts and fraternities/sororities. To improve the quality of your paper you need to give solid statistics and facts of how Title IX has improved the quality of life, education, and athleticism for women. Facts and statistics that positively support Title IX will help convince your reader of its importance. Make sure you cite where you got your information from so that the reader as well as the grader does not think you pulled this information from your own knowledge. In addition this will help the grader know you didn’t plagiarize. Good luck with your final draft.
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