Suggestions by buzz200326
Edit Suggestions by buzz200326 here.
To begin with, always remember spell check, cause inequality is spelled as “enequality” on the first line. The second sentence doesn’t make any sense to me, what do you mean by “…have fought for equality against each other and besides each other as well”? The first statement about how it is proportional funding could use could use more details maybe some statistics as to the amounts in aid and their distributions. The second statement about how it adapts to the needs of athletes (with the word athletes being misspelled as atheletes) needs a lot more explanation as to how it is “continuing to modernize our system” maybe talk about the system that we have right now and its flaws and how it has been improved. Then for the “beyond theory” portion you really need to show and explain a strong correlation between the items listed and how they are benefits from Title IX. Then from there, you can create a much stronger conclusion, and maybe if you need to a new introduction.
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