Evaluation of draft by terrak
It is hard to tell exactly what your thesis is during the essay and in the paragraphs.
Is there a reason, other than the “soil”, that helped to establish our form of government? I would suggest expounding ion why democracy worked well here, against the recent oppression, our governments that didn’t work (and why).
In the fourth paragraph one sentence doesn’t read well. (Chinese
learnt from the history of their own country's that every regime is
established to become extinct even if without any struggle to destruct it.) I would advise working on this sentence. Perhaps changing it to The Chinese learned, from their history, that every regime is destined to become extinct even without a struggle against it.
What is safeguarding America from your “extinction” mentioned? What if people here are just waiting for it to die? I do not think you give enough merit or acknowledgement to conterarguments.
What text is it that you are concluding with? And why not add in some of your own words to conclude your essay?
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