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Dr_Watson's evaluation of dcorcoran's draft

I would like to more sources for some of your statistics and other claims (you have a couple), but overall your paper isn't bad. You state your position well, but the support seems a little shady without the opposition and sources cited. That's easily fixable though. I would also suggest either combining the first two paragraphs, or working on your opening some more. Instead of jumping right in, I'd suggest introducing the topic some more first. I would also suggest double checking your grammar in your final draft, you have a few errors. Overall, you're off to a good start.
Dr_Watson

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