Didn't see that you had two evaluators but now you have 3 - lophilli
Edit Didn't see that you had two evaluators but now you have 3 - lophilli here.
Well, I want to first say that I am also writing a paper on the opposing view but reading your paper has given me insight. OK to the evaluation.
I like the things you have to say but separate them because it is hard to read with everything so close to together. I would just say in your first paragraph, introduce your points so the reader has an idea of what you are going to be talking about. I think that will help make your argument stronger. Also, for the problems that you have with things, I would say try to come up with solutions. For example, where you say "First, that high school records are not an accurate source of information regarding a studentís ability to succeed in college" I think that is a very good idea but how can this problem be fixed. If you could briefly describe a good way to change something like this, I think it would add to the strength of your argument. Also, this was such a good point that I will have to make a good counter argument for it in my paper.
I think your experience with finance and Georgia Tech is definitely relevant but I think you should wait a little longer before you say it in your paper.
When you make this point "students from middle-income families are getting that aid. And after they enroll in a college these students have a higher probability of not being able to maintain a good GPA and thus lose their merit-based financial aid." I am not sure what you are trying to get across. If you are from a middle class family chances are that your education was better than a poor-class family and you will do better. The same would go for a middle-income and rich family. The student from the rich family will probably do better. So in your argument, are you saying that middle class students have a higher probability of not doing well than poorer class students because if you are I would have to disagree. I think they are definitely plenty of low-income scholars out there and if given the chance can do well but to say poor students generally do better than middle class students is a stretch. - just my opinion.
I think you should also find solutions on how you can deal with the drawback of need-based scholarships.
In addition, a good counter argument that needs to be addressed is that for the students who are from poor areas and do not have good grades. What if when they get to college and are still the same way and do just as bad but they still have need-based scholarships what then. Doesn't that mean, money is being allocated to someone who is not taking full advantage of the opportunity that has been given to them.
I think your paper will be great, just make sure that you just need to have a few good counter arguments and you will be fine.
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