Evaluation of two papers - lophilli
Edit Evaluation of two papers - lophilli here.
Evalaution 1: ngh3bfkf
Evaluation: LOPHILLI -
First off, I want to say that you placed your quotes at very strategic locations which helps to make your argument more concrete. I definitely like that. I also like the way you opened up your paper with the quote, it is a nice attention grabber.
I do think you should add a sentence or two describing what they mean by saying academically qualified. An individual who is qualifies to go to Georgia State may not be qualified to go to Georgia Tech. In addition to this, your paper seems to involve all schools in the nation and not just Georgia Tech. I am not sure if you wanted it that way or not but I just wanted to point that out.
I like the points that you make about HOPE and need based and merit based scholarships. I do think the paper would just flow better if you just referenced those things in the beginning paragraph so the reader is aware of what you are going to talk about
I am not sure the need-based argument of preventing people from drinking is a very strong argument. I do like the point that it would decrease unemployment, and just as a suggestion, I would say to probably focus on making that particular point come across more than the other one.
I strongly agree that SAT's should not be a large factor of issuing merit based scholarships because it does not tell you the amount of hard-work and persistence you will put into a class to get a good grade, it just tells you whether or not you can take a national standardized test. It can only tell you so much. It could show how smart someone is but not how un-smart some one- I know it is kind of weird.
For clarification I think you should describe what you mean by priority when you make this statement, "Tech should make it a priority to provide equal opportunity to students". Priority in terms of what and equal opportunity in terms of what. So the students with Higher SAT's or from medium or high income backgrounds should be on the waiting list - Just another way to look at the situation. Also on the flip side of things once again if a student does well but their parents are "well-off" Should their parents have to pay for their education. Also what defines a person as being "well-off" and are those descriptions accurate.
Altogether I think your paper will be great!!! :-). I think if you give your paper a little more focus and think of those counter arguments I think you will do quite well.