Peer Review of toejam by delfintaka
Edit Peer Review of toejam by delfintaka here.
I like that you give background of Title IX in your first paragraph. I also like that you demonstrate that there is still a lot of controversy around Title IX today. Nevertheless, I think that you could talk about Title IX and all that it implies in a little bit more detail. Also, tell us exactly what kind of problems Jocey Mahoney of Springfield, Mahoney has with Title IX. Later you can build parts of your argument around disproving Jocey. Make sure you clearly state you positions. Dedicate a whole sentence to that. You have some good statistics, but I think you can have more. You can use it to bring more dimensions to your paper. For example, do not just show that Title IX benefits title women, show that it also benefits man, universities, communities, maybe even society as a whole. Finally, I had a little difficulty understanding what you were trying to say in some parts of your paper. Try reading it to your self aloud or ask a trusted friend to read it for you, I think this will help a lot.
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- toejam last edited on 13 April 2005 at 12:33 am by bwolves11