Peer Review of wh0muffin by delfintaka
Edit Peer Review of wh0muffin by delfintaka here.
I like a very powerful quote you have in the beginning of your paper. I think you can even keep it in the beginning, but follow it with a little bit of history of Title IX. For example, here you can discuss its background and purpose. I also think that in that same paragraph you need to make very clear what your main point is. In one of the first paragraphs you stated that "not only does Title IX Protect students, it also protects the faculty that forks with the students". You can develop it into a strong point to support your argument. Yet you never follow through with it. So, either get rid of it, or show us where you are going with it. Consider going into more depth with what exactly Title IX is. In addition, do not be afraid to mention things about it that are controversial so that a reader will know why you are even writing a paper about it in the first place. You statistics about women that get higher education in US (paragraph 4) also seem lonely. Either relate them to Title IX or drop them. Finally, I think your grade will benefit if you find some non-web sources. Title IX was and still is involved in a good number of discussions around the country so I am sure you will be able to find many of publications on it. If you are having problems with that you should contact a political science librarian. Her name is Cathy Carpenter and she knows everything :-)) So, to sum up, I can see that you draft is very "rough", but I can also see that it has potential. Just add a little depth to your statistics (more different angles) and make sure you build your arguments through.
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