View this PageEdit this PageUploads to this PageHistory of this PageHomeRecent ChangesSearchHelp Guide

comments

The sentences tend to be wordy, specifically in the first two paragraphs and the conclusion, and be careful with the sentence structure (but I could just be being picky). The paper also tends to sound a tad ranty, but that can be easily fixed. Other than that (and a few minor grammatical errors), your paper's pretty good. You support your points well and state your opinion clearly.
Dr_Watson

I kind of disagree with the above person. I think there are lot of facts and information that is useful but your opinion isn't as clear as it could be. Perhaps state the facts and then focus on how you feel about them and how others in the US feel about the situations and then give more information. Also, watch out for like comma splices and that kind of stuff, maybe just double check it for grammar and sentences before you turn it in. Otherwise, I think your sources were credible and all your information seemed accurate. Overall, good job!


Great use of supporting details to back up all of your points. One thing that I noticed was your analogy about upstate New York property values, which really aren't that much. There is not a lot in upstate New York. You might want to consider, for example, California. Also, There are a few spelling mistakes I caught, such as resend instead of resent and a few grammar errors. Might also want to develop your paragraph about what you think needs to be done a bit more, it seemed a bit lacking to me compared with the rest of the paper.

Links to this Page