Evaluation of draft by Ephraim
I like how the beginning of your paper begins by showing us the problems we have had with this issue in the past. It is always good to point out situations that have already happened in proving your point. I think, however, that you may dwell on this topic of political tensions for much too long. It is an important issue and should be mentioned as a warning. However, it seems that pointing out the negative for a long time and possibility for a fall is not as important as showing a way out.
What I am sugesting is this, present more information about how we can correct the problem. There needs to be more information on alternative fuels, drilling in Alaska(whether you think it's worth it or not as well), and how our decisions in this area affect global warming. This would add a new and fresh demention to your arguement to our dependance on oil. Global warming has a potential to be extremely harmful to our economy and cause many harmful effects on the lives of everyone on Earth, droughts, floods, etc. If we take up this position, energy independence in order to curb global warming, we could again be the leaders in the world and show that we care about the rest of the world.
I think your arguement is good, it just seems very based in what is wrong and not how we can fix it. Put more stuff on the alternative fuels and clean up everything so it runs smoother. Good arguement.
In your paper you thorw out some important numbers and figures and make some good points but you seem to have an arguement based on just that. Why exactly do you think SUVs are so bad? Specifically state if it is because they use a lot of gasoline and we should save it or perhaps because the enviornment is so important. I inferred from your arguement that that was what your position was. At one point come out and say that bluntly.
You should also, in your figures, provide the current average of gas mileage for SUVs. All I know about them is that they are probably less than 22 mpg, which is what my sports car gets in the city. So, therefore, it's not just SUVs under this curve.
I also think you should include in your arguement the issue of global warming. Although it is a touchy subject and there are still many questions about it I think you should add it in. Show how the temperature over the last century has risen and the that fuel combustion probably has added to that. Say that we should not wait to find out if global warming is a fact or fiction, but trying to do our best to prevent what we believe could contribute to it.
I think you're going in the right direction, it just needs a little more meat.
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- Lou_Dog last edited on 19 April 2005 at 11:45 pm by Lou_Dog
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