Evaluation of NewEngland's First Draft by datboi2sick
Well, your first draft isn't really an essay, but it seems that you provided some support for your assertions. I think that you need to provide more numbers, statistics, and support for your paper. This will help you gain reader's support. And stay away from opinionated comments that you can't support. Your opinion alone as no credibility in a position paper; that's why you need more credible resources to help support your opinion. The only that I don't like in your paper is your comment on morality; how Title IX shows good morals. True, but you don't know that if everyone has the same morals as you. You assume they do, don't make any assumptions. Morality is different for everyone, so it's basically a matter of opinion. There is no substantial support for or guideline for morals. You need credible sources to help emphasize your paper. Your statistics are good, but I just don't like the whole morality thing. I agree with you 100%, but it seems to open ended and very opinionated.
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