Evaluations of Pratt, Adam
The statement that “In all of sports, title IX “has probably been the greatest advancement for women athletes”, is too much of a generalization. You should just stick with “has been” and leave out the “probably”. Then use your paper to support through facts and arguments the reasons why title IX “has been the greatest advancement for women in athletics”. Your second paragraph is good because it defines what title IX is early in your paper, and the reader will be able to keep this definition in mind as they continue to read and evaluate your position. In your third paragraph I would better explain and make clearer how title IX has paved the way for the WNBA. You should also cite where you got this information from, so that an evaluator knows you researched this information and that you are not just writing all of this information based on your own knowledge. Good statistic use in paragraph four. In your 5th paragraph good job citing where you got the information from. Your last paragraph starts out too personal by saying “After doing a great deal of research”. It would sound better and be more profession if you said something along the lines of “Research and statistics have proven the positive effects that title IX has had on the lives and health of millions of women.” Otherwise good rough draft, and good luck with the final draft.