Evaluation by techfan
Although I don't agree with your opinions, it is very clear to see why you support need-based funding from your personal college-decision experience. I can definately see your argument and your passion. As far as suggestions, I think if you bluntly stated your argument earlier in the paper it would be more effective. Your stance is not spelled out until the fourth paragraph. Also, balancing the whole paper with personal opinion and research will make it more fluid. The beginning tells your experience and the end is your interpretation of research... perhaps make a stronger transition or add some factual information to the beginning. Overall, you have supported your argument well and made a strong point on this policy.