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Rough Draft on Merit based financial aid over need based ~sumner

Edit Rough Draft on Merit based financial aid over need based ~sumner here.
Talent is Talent, Rich or Poor

Many institutions have made the decision to base financial scholarships solely on an equation that takes into account need over any other qualifications. Families with larger incomes and fewer college bound children find it impossible to recieve any releif from the staggering cost of a college education. This also leads to the fact that this process punishes families that have saved adequate amounts of money to send their children to college, in a way placing taxes on these middle class families. This tax succesfully reduces the savings of middle class families because they are having to put away more and more money for college educations with no hope of financial help. This is prohibiting middle class families from saving sufficent funds to send their children to high ranking ivy league schools that have enoromous tuitions and give only need based scholarships for example harvard and yale. we must ask ourselves what now qualifies us to be accepted to such fine institutions, should it be our merit or our race?

I know that talent and brilliance knows no color, ethnicity, or social class. In our country we have the ablility to gain an amazing amount of information and become true scholars if it is wanted bad enough and there is a certain amount of god given intellegence. This is acheivable not only in expensive private schools, but even in the worst public schools in our nation if it is wanted badly enough. Financial aid should be handed out fairly and without distinction to social status, and merit based scholarships allow for this to happen. Scholarships that are handed out in this manor awards those students that have truly worked and earned the money. A valedictorian that has sacrifised for her grades and her community should not be undercut for scholarships for a mediocre student that is of a lower social standing. The student of the lower social standing would also have the opportunity to sacrifice and become validictorian and get the merit based scholarship, they should be more so motivated considering they have a need for the money. Students that dont have the financial means for college and do not have the ability to obtain the merit based scholarships should look to other options. These options would be joining the army or navy and getting scholarships by this means. There is also the problem that not everyone needs to go to college. There are many blue collar jobs that are necessary for our nation to funtion which would never be filled if everyone decided that college was for them. There is also the fact that our country is based on the belief that you can raise your familys economic standing every generations. This does not necessarily mean that it has to occur every generation, just as long as they move up a little, they can hope that they will make enough money to send their children to college.

Supplying Need based scholarships only in colleges such as yale and harvard, does allow for them to keep costs down for students that arent receiving any scholarships at all. This is due to the fact that all of these highly competitive colleges would end up in a financial aid war over the same top students, cause this money to be made up in a raise of the normal tuition. This could be prevented although by means of drawing this money from other sources such as the huge donations that it receives. This would never happen because a college would never draw money away from itself to pay for this, it would make its students pay for it realisticaly.

Merit based need provides an incentive for students to become scholars and to strive to become the best overall student that they can possibly be. With need based scholarships students that are poor can hypothetically get by with average grades that only required a portion of their potential intellegence and know that they will still receive a scholarship over another straight A student with more money than them. The student that had to work and train themselves to be disciplined students, poor or rich, is the student that will be putting that scholarship to the most use. Students like that are the ones that will do wonderful things for our country, and allow tax payers to bear the fruits of their money when these students peak.

a piece of advice from a viewer:
I think that the author has done a great job on composing this first draft. Please allow me to express my own wish on the further version of this work: I hope that the author would add some specific instances to illustrate his/her opinion. I think that some examples from the real world, which reflects the public opinion on this subject, can easily turn this good paper into a terrific one.
To illustrate, "Many institutions have made the decision to base financial scholarships solely on an equation that takes into account need over any other qualifications." I personally believe that this expression leads to some questions such as "how many?" "what are these institutions?" and " what caused that these institutions made such a decision?" If the author added some information such like a list of the institutions and a brief introduction about the background of those institutes' decision-making, those questions I mentioned above would be easily answered.
the author also pointed out,"This also leads to the fact that this process punishes families that have saved adequate amounts of money to send their children to college, in a way placing taxes on these middle class families." Obviously, this is a good point. However, I think if the author could provide some real-world examples of "the fact" for illustration, then this point would be much stronger. Moreover, by doing so, the author's "effictiveness at efficiently and wisely using print, web, and other sources" would be better reflected.


I enjoyed the paper, but I agree with dawn crescent. Giving specific numbers and facts would make your paper more convincing to the reader. All of the points in your paper are obviously well thought and clear, and you can tell that you are passionate about your issue. I know this is your first draft and you probably didn't pay attention to petty grammar issues, but I suggest reading it over, like dr. barke said, aloud. Some of the the sentences are thrown off by the incorrect usage of a word. Some grammar corrections would make you paper more clear and effective, because you can not read meaning in a paper like if someone was actually saying it aloud. Overall, great paper and I look forward to reading the finished product. Good Luck! KatGT0

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