Peer Review of wh0muffin by TBFrosty44
This is not a paper, but a list of quotes and statistics. The quotes and statistics are good, but they need to be related to your position and to one another in some way. The first quote is wonderful because it states the purpose of Title IX. This could be used in the introduction. More explanation about how this quote has helped with equality is needed.
Quotes are excellent if used correctly. Quotes should always be followed by an explanation and this should connect the quote to the position. Quotes should never stand alone in a paper. Also, make sure you use the quotes sparingly in the paper. It is much better to reword the facts and use parenthetical references.
More analyzing is needed. You have good facts, but they are not pulled together by a single thought. Clearly claim your position near the beginning of your paper.
Pull your paper together through the use of paragraphs, an introduction, and a conclusion.
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